This is now getting really difficult as Grant has begun to suffer. He has times of intermittent normal behavior with times where he thrashes his arms, jerks his head and contracts his whole body while trying to cry through desperate gasps for air.
I wept as I held him in my hands, incensed at his faceless torturer. It's pure horror to watch and not be able to console him, to get my hands on the problem and tear it to pieces.
It is one thing to be inconvenienced, to be a bit low on sleep, to have to learn to shed our anxieties into the capable hands of the God who so tangibly loves and cares for us...but to see my son so miserable makes me furious.
I'll go pray for Grant now, as I can hear him struggling in his crib. Then I'll lay down, chat with God a bit about all this and most certainly feel better. And then there'll be morning--always there with a delivery of fresh hope, renewed energy and hopefully a ray or two of sun.
He always, always get us through.
7 comments:
Shannon and Jim,
Still praying for you, and feeling the pain you must be in, though only a parent can feel that so deeply. Let PSC know whenever you need nursing, and ask them to call me and maybe I can fill it.
fondly,
chris RN
Since I can't put it into words.... This is just a warm hug stretching across lakes and state borders. Shannon I would just hug you and let you cry on my shoulder while I cry with you. And maybe that hug would give you strength to get through one more moment of desperation. With love, Mandy
Shannon and Jim,
My heart aches for you. I have trouble finding the words to express myself. Although I've never walked such a serious path with any of my children I am still a mother and know the fierceness of emotion that comes with parenting. Your strength and trust in God amaze and humble me (perhaps you're tired of hearing that) and inspire me. We are all praying for Grant at our house. All four kids ask about Grant often and include him in their bedtime prayers each night. Shannon, I also wish that I could just hug you and somehow give you a bit of love and strength to get through one more scary-difficult-alone time. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you and give you peace.
eva
Dear Jim and Shannon,
If you have not all ready, please call the cardiologist and see if you can't admit Grant today so that he will be there and ready for the cath tomorrow. If Grant isn't improving then why wait until Wednesday for the procedure? I believe the idea was to have him home to gain strenth and get over any virus he might have, if you think he is not any better please call the doctor again. At the very least perhaps Chris RN (or another nurse that knows Grant)can come and assess Grant.
God blessed Grant with really amazing parents. You two know Grant best and you may need to just be his advocates.
Praying that he is much better since this last blog. We continue praying for His peace for you and Shannon and His strength and healing for Grant.
Love,
Kathy
Praying.
Dear Shannon and Jim,
There is nothing more painful than watching your child suffer. You know firsthand how Mary and the Apostles must have felt at the foot of the cross.
When I was so ill Jimmy, with tubes coming out of me in all directions, my best friend peeked into the hospital room and left. She told Rog she could not stand to see me suffer. What I want to say to you is...I was under God's grace, as is Grant...and I truly felt NO PAIN...as my body spasmed and denied much of the medicine being put inside it...That was in 1982.
Jesus, comfort Jim and Shannan as I know you are comforting Grant.
This we all pray..in your Holy Name..
We continue to lift baby Grant, Shannon and Jim up in prayer!! Continue to be strong, we are all behind you.
Bridget
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